According to the story of Earhardt, she grew up in a Lutheran home but acutally found God in a satisfying way in her college years. She says that she walked with God and invited him into her life and was born again and saved on October 19, 1997.
She says that she had learned that “[K]nowing God and figuring out what He wanted to do in my life was as simple as surrendering control of my life to Him,” page 33.
Prior to being saved and knowing God she did not pray much or well. After being saved she prayed for a wide variety of things and prayed more.
Earhardt also says that at the frat party where she walked more fully with God she realized that she no longer wanted to drink and smoke and do some other dumb and/or destructive things that might keep her away from God. She says she prayed, “You must already be taking that away from me because I don’t want to do it anymore. I want whatever else is out there.” page 36.
So . . . my question is this. I have been told by a variety of people that God had a calling on my life to minister, that I would become great and that God was preparing me for some something, that God had or had had good things in store for me, that God would show me he loved me, etc. But some of these same people, when questioned about why these good things do not happen say it is because I did not put much energy into seeing them happen, or, I did not go to Bible college (enough, that is) and/or I did not pray enough and repent enough or in the right ways.
So . . . since God took away from Earhardt her desire for destructive or self-destructive things . . . and since God desired to do various wonderful things in my life–or so the Christians have said–why did God not take from me the desire to smoke and drink and do whatever else what destructive or self-destructive, as God did with Earhardt?
If God had wanted me to do some great thing or to do good things for me or me for him, why would He not have done for me what He did for Earhardt even before Earhardt had decided to walk with God more fully? If God does good stuff for Earhardt and neglected to do such good stuff for me, why not God have sent Earhardt rather than me to do whatever it was that God thought he wanted me to do or Him to do for me or through me, etc?
God did good and miraculous and nearly magical stuff for Earhardt before she was out of college and God . . . did . . . uh . . . what exactly? . . . apparently not much for me . . . while simultaneously expecting or hoping or asking that I would do some great ministry for him!
Hey God, if you wanted some great ministry to be done by me for you or you through me or what have you, why did you not prepare me as you did Earhardt for her life, by taking from me any desire for stuff that would be bad and a hindrance? God will recall that I in fact repeatedly asked him to do so in various ways and in various words, though usually the phrasing was different.
God did not prepare me as he did Earhardt or even close . . . God did not bother to put much effort or energy into fixing or changing my life, as he did with Earhardt even before she had been born again and saved . . . and yet people on God’s behalf have stated or promised that God would do various good things or I would do good things or we would do good things, etc.
So, God, if you were going to do some of these good things, and if the problem was I did not read the Bible enough, pray enough or repent enough or read in the right way, pray in the right way or repent in the right way . . . why did you, God, not give me the right desires, as you did for Earhardt? If you wanted something accomplished, you could have sent Earhardt to do the secret thing that I was supposed to do! Right?
But you, God, did not bother to prepare me with anything like what you did for Earhardt . . . and instead, people on your behalf, God’s behalf, on behalf of Christ, promise, prophesy or state that you, God and I will do great, good and wonderful things . . . or I will for you or you will for me and through me!
Hey God, where is the preparation, the preparation that you did in the life of Earhardt, in my life? Have you been too busy helping others and so you neglected the preparation in my life, and that is why there is no alleged great and wonderful life?
Is all you can do is to send people with messages of a great and good and happy life, and not in fact do the work and preparation in my life that you have done, allegedly, presumably, if we believe her testimony, in the life of Earhardt and the lives of others?
Forgive me if this is a bit mystifying! I hope and trust that you, God, are not an idiot, but it seems as if you promise and do not deliver and you promise and do not make even the most basic of preparations! I am sure I misunderstood something along the way. Perhaps you will explain it to me in 40 years, after my life is over!